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Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Why I Told “Fredericka” To Take a Hike

In fact, I told her to f*%k off. It was high time.

Who is Fredericka you might be asking? She happens to be that little voice of doubt; that little niggle; that stone in the shoe; that alter-ego who really has not served my greater purpose at all.

She has been that voice of self-doubt; that voice passing down her feelings of inadequacy. That voice where I thought I was an intellectual fraud.

She is the voice of Impostor Syndrome.

Wikipedia describes Impostor Syndrome as follows:

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenonimpostorismfraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.[1] Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or interpret it as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.[2] While early research focused on the prevalence among high-achieving women, impostor syndrome has been recognized to affect both men and women equally.

The words “doubts skills, talents and accomplishments to being exposed as a fraud” and “attributing my success to luck” rung true for me.

So, Fredericka had to go!

She came from a time past where I belonged to one of my first online groups, and I was too afraid to tell them my real name.

I was afraid that I might be exposed as a fraud.

She grew some power from there.

Fredericka kept Robyn-Lee, me, from understanding that the success that I was achieving wasn’t due to my efforts. I am glad that I became aware of her motives early on.

I must interject on my words that I am writing here, to say that this blog post is not intended to downplay or supersede professional guidance with this particular syndrome.

It only offers to trigger awareness to the reader, and for them to know that help is at hand and that you are not alone.

A few Characteristics to look out for:

  • Self-doubt;
  • Sabotaging your own success – I am (still) big on this one;
  • Unable to realistically assess your competence and skills;
  • Overwhelming fear that you won’t live up to expectations;
  • Feelings of inadequacy;
  • Rebuking your performance;
  • Striving for perfection because the smallest mistake is agony for you;
  • Extremely sensitive to constructive criticism;
  • Admiration for other’s success but believing that you are not fit for the likes of them;
  • Worrying that others will realise how little you know;
  • Not able to accept praise in the spirit in which it is given, and perhaps feeling like you dodged a bullet because you thought you did a bad job;
  • Believing that you are not capable of lasting success.

If any of these ring true for you, you are likely a sufferer.

It is interesting to note that around 70% of people will experience this phenomenon during their lives. This might also be a sign of some other underlying issue that highlights your need for extra support.

Some of the Tactics that I use:

As with most things in life, we all require some strategies to boost our performance. Whether that is the extra practice at public speaking; or writing in a public forum or even just posting your opinion onto a social media platform, and being resilient enough to receive the backlash that might ensue because all don’t accept your opinion.

It is how we manage our reactions, and for introverts in particular these reactions are mostly internalised.

If you have a “Fredericka” that tells you that you are a fool, try these to dispel that poisonous voice in your head:

  • Talking about your feelings acknowledges them. I am an introvert so like to blog, and a forum for writers like Medium.Com is a wonderful place to write about your feelings;
  • Make a list of your achievements and keep them visible;
  • Focus on your strengths. Yes, being aware of your weaknesses is important too, like being aware that Impostor Syndrome might grab you from time to time. When it does, revert to your list of strengths.
  • Practice an “Attitude of Gratitude”. All too often, we revert to everything wrong in the world, but if you are focused on those things that you are grateful for, your mind starts to change;
  • Every morning, before you start your day run through what yesterday was good for. I get it, sometimes you have to dig deep, but even the simplest thing like “I drank an extra glass of water” leans your head into the positive. Then leave yesterday just there – in the past;
  • Be very particular about what you read on social media. I make sure that I have people and their dogs in my feed! Dogs, I find are awesome to elevate a low spirit!
  • Value your perspective. Every single one of us has value to give to this world. Never doubt it. When you do, go back to your list of achievements and strengths;
  • Don’t play the comparison game. If you are an entrepreneur like myself, it is easy to see how others are being successful and taking action and when seeing it, you denigrate your own progress. Be aware that everyone’s journey is different, and always refer back to your own list of achievements to keep you on track;
  • Failing is inevitable. When a mentor told me this, it hit me full on in my stomach, and I was filled with such fear that it stopped me in the tracks! The reality is that even with a mentor and learning skills, failure will at some time find you. It’s learning how to take those lessons and move forward and be better the next time. Reflecting on those failures and accepting those lessons, goes onto your achievements list. There is no failure, only feedback.
  • Remind yourself that your successes are your work. Yes, you might have had guidance and a helping hand, but you had to do it. You had to sit and study the material if you were heading into an exam. You had to learn a process in your new job; it was you who stood in front of those people, presenting your programme or your case; it was you and you alone, who moved forward.

Accept your power. Be grateful for it too.

Accept your greatness and reward yourself by being your best advocate.

Above all else, speak to yourself with kind words; with constructive words and words that will build you up.

For all introverts who would like to get into the habit of writing, even it is to vent, have a look at my blog on Medium.Com. I have no affiliation here except to write, so don’t be afraid to check it out, and get writing!

https://perpetualpilgrim1006.medium.com/

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

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Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Radical Resilience in Five Steps

I want you to think back to early 2020.

Be in that place where you listened to the world leaders telling us that we were heading into “lockdown”.

Remember, for a moment, those feelings rushing through your body. Fear? Panic? Relief? Sadness? Happiness? Scepticism?

Now step back into your space that you are in today.

Looking back, relish and celebrate that resilience that you built. That strength that you mustered during what was, what still is, an epic moment in our history.

Without a doubt, we are far more resilient as a community than what we were heading into 2020 and here’s why:

  1. We changed our stories.

I remember as if it were yesterday.

President Cyril Ramaphosa appeared on television and social media channels to let us know that we were heading into “lockdown”. Admittedly, I recall little else about that announcement because I tried to process what this all meant for me.

There was little time to be ruminating on the effects of this lockdown because it was going ahead in 48 hours.

It was a spring to action kind of 48 hours.

Planning what we needed at home, getting to grips with a new lifestyle that would have us locked indoors, how the younger ones were going to cope without the structure of the school day, and what that actually meant.

All the while, it was about changing the story that we were being faced with.

It was setting up plans and managing days that were now home-based. Finding alternatives to exercise regimes when gyms were closed. It was seeking out the best outcome for what was a situation that we had no precedent for.

We changed our stories.

We changed how we saw things, and I would suggest that we found lots of things to be grateful for when we were searching for answers.

2. We faced our fears.

With no time to ruminate on this global pandemic, we faced down any fears that we might be having. We really didn’t have a choice, did we?

There is a beneficial process for overcoming fears that I wrote about in a previous blog. I might add for this situation, that process happened pretty much in first gear!

I remember being fearful about what my godsons were going to do without their school structure. So too, what was my best friend going to do about her own work commitments and then manage two young boys at home?

How would I best show up for others, and was I even equipped to do so?

When I reflect on that time, we all did so amazingly well! It wasn’t about our skills that we might have lacked and overcome in a short space of time.

No, it was about our upbeat spirit and how we constantly sought out fun and caring things to do for each other. How we celebrated each other as the days went by and homeschooling became the “new normal”.

If I was taught about resilience during this time, it was from two young boys aged three and five who did everything they were asked to do, and then some.

There are incredible lessons that we can learn from our young-ones.

3. Self-compassion became a talking point.

I remember being online with a group of people during the lockdown, and we were all sharing what was going on in our respective worlds.

The story didn’t change much as each of us spoke about what lockdown meant to us and what effect we were experiencing.

We spoke about mindfulness.

How workdays had, in fact, gotten longer. Everyone working from home was spending more time at their laptops because it was now easier and more convenient.

The golden thread through all conversations was around how we all needed to be more self-compassionate. Mindful about the time spent doing the work and how best to create balance around homelife.

There was discussion around teams being separated from each other and how leaders could best support those teams. How to create connection around disconnection.

Knowing that we weren’t all alone in these efforts, was a great comfort.

We learnt that we could be kinder to ourselves, and we learnt that in so doing, that we could be kinder to others.

4. Being present in the now

I experienced a massive turning point in my online business during this time. It came from my own realisation that was worrying about the future and being concerned about my past was unproductive for me.

We all know very well that we experience pain when we are not absolutely and whole-heartedly in the present moment. We are in the present moment when we are reflecting on everything that we can be grateful for.

There was and is so much that we can be grateful for coming out of the pandemic.

5. We connected and supported each other

I connected with people all across the globe who inspired me and supported me in my journey. I, in turn, did the same.

I still look to those people today for that same inspiration. I learned wonderful things about the world at large, and I saw nature revitalise itself during a period of calm.

I was, and still am, grateful for all of those things and every person who touched my life during the lockdown.

There was a massive move in the online community towards connection and support. Business networks were booming; new skills were being learned, and people were growing exponentially because of this connection.

We were becoming resilient; we were changing our narratives and facing down fears.

We were developing our ability to withstand adversity.

The big question is will we continue to grow in this powerful way as we head into the world equipped to face the “new normal”?

Photo by Ann H from Pexels

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Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Four Steps To Overcoming Fear

Let’s talk about fear for a little bit.

We all have it from time to time. We all have been debilitated as a result of it, at one time or another. Some of us may struggle with it daily.

It’s part and parcel of what makes us human.

Never forget that – we have and experience fear because we are human!

I have written about fear before and have explained its purpose and meaning. If you missed this blog on how Jimmy Chin is my “fear guru”, it’s worth a read.

Today though, I will give you four steps towards overcoming your fear, but first, I want to start with this awesome quote.

I am starting here because, in a nutshell, the only way to overcome fear is to face it head-on.

Tony Robbins : Dance with fear

Face it, or dance with it!

  1. Find out what this fear is

What is it specifically that you are scared of? Is there a time of day or a place that this fear might raise its nasty head? In what situation might this fear present itself?

Be super specific about understanding this fear.

Let me give you my own example.

At the beginning of my journey into the online space, I was rearing and tearing to go! Nothing was going to stop me.

Fear did though.

I was so busy learning new skills in my newfound career of entrepreneurship. I used this excuse to be productive around learning to avoid taking action in my business.

You see, it was never about the perceived lack of knowledge because we learn as we go, don’t we? When I was honest with myself, I was afraid to be seen online.

What would my friends and family say? What would my school friends think? What would my past colleagues and peers think about me?

The truth is, I have had positive feedback from all of these people who I was so worried about. Another truth is that if I hadn’t received positive feedback, my fear was never about them but always about me and my own belief in what I was doing.

What I am doing.

2. Embrace the fear

When you have been honest about the fear, don’t take a step back from it because it is genuine. Please don’t dismiss it, and certainly don’t retreat from it.

Have a dance with it, as Tony Robbins suggests, because whether people love you, hate you or are on the fence about you, you will always draw your tribe to you.

I firmly believe that.

When I went online and started to become more visible, with my own face showing up, nothing about my reality really changed much.

Yes, inside, I was on this magnificent high because I had moved a step forward to my personal goals. Even more incredibly, I started to show up more authentically and more productively for people who I wanted to serve.

Fear is a natural reaction, and it wants to serve you by protecting you and keeping you safe. In my reality, though, it would have held me back, and if I were to think of a ‘worst-case scenario, my fear of showing up online would not have killed me.

I can’t think of anything worse than that.

3. Action – its always about action!

Think of yourself on the very first day of work. For me, it was in a bank.

At my young age of 17, I started working in the autoteller department in a large bank in South Africa. I was entrusted with loads of cash and a duty to replenish these machines daily.

I was scared to leave the relative safety of school. I was scared to work with people I didn’t know. I was scared of many things.

It was absolutely new, and I had no idea about the expectations placed on me directly out of school.

But I learned. I grew into that role and developed skills that were a brilliant foundation for me.

The fear subsided, and I started to enjoy the work, and as I progressed in my corporate career, it was a roller coaster of fear and overcoming fear.

Much the same as my journey into entrepreneurship.

The critical thing to remember about your own progress in your respective careers and your own personal journeys is that it took and takes action to kill that fear monster.

Plain and simply – action.

4. Reinforce your new feeling

The final step, now that you have specified your real fear embraced and had a dance with it and taken action around that fear, stop.

Stop and let that new powerful feeling take over. Remember this moment and how it feels. Never forget this feeling.

Reinforcing your newfound feeling is the momentum that you will need when you are faced with another fear. It is, after all, a cycle of sorts. As you level up, as you take on new challenges, as you step into the unknown, fear will always be there to try to keep you safe.

It’s a natural tendency for us as humans.

For me, I have this massive sense of freedom as I step into pockets of fear and overcome them. It is also never as scary as I thought going into the ring with fear.

A very important aspect of fear to always remember is this:

If you were to sit down with many folks who talk about their fears, I would suggest that it would be common to hear of their fear of rejection, embarrassment, failure, success, disappointment, and the unknown.

Its a beautiful thing because it what makes us all human.

F.E.A.R = False Evidence Appearing Real

F.E.A.R = Find. Embrace. Action. Reinforce

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Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Five Steps to Self-Worth

Oh, I have self belief in buckets, as I am sure that you do to!

However, consider those times when your resolve has been shaken. Perhaps your confidence has wavered a little as you are starting on a new venture, or you are setting off into the “unknown.”

Self-worth is described as one’s own value of being a human being. That’s pretty powerful when you think about it.

There was a time when I questioned my purpose. My direction had been set off-kilter, and I realised that my self-belief was very different to having a sense of self-worth.

These are the steps I used to get me to a place where I could support and emphasize my value that I had to share with the world:

  1. What is the one thing you can do better than anyone else?

This is that thing that makes us all unique. It is our USP – our Unique Selling Proposition.

We frame this question in this way so that it alters your mindset from the get-go.

For my whole life, I have tended to be a “people watcher.” One of my favourite things to do is sit and watch how people interact, share their experiences and revel in their success.

I remember when I walked into the ancient city of Santiago de Compostela after I had completed my pilgrimage. I felt a massive sense of achievement, but at the same time, I was mostly overwhelmed with all of the emotions that were rushing through me.

So, I sat. I sat and I watched.

I sat for hours watching other pilgrims coming into the square to celebrate their own success at completing their respective journeys. I witnessed quiet celebrations of other solo walkers; I witnessed group celebrations and high-spirited singing; I watched how devotees to the Apostle St James fell to their knees in the square in front of the cathedral and prayed.

Some simply sat like I was. Just taking it all in.

You see, my USP is that I genuinely love it when other people succeed. It makes no difference to me who they are or where they have come from. I love seeing people achieve their goals.

It is also the one thing that spurs me on to my own goals. It’s a shared sense of success because I believe that we should all have it, in whatever shape or form success looks like to you.

2. When was a time you succeeded?

As far as I am concerned we succeed everyday.

For me, success doesn’t have to massive. It can be those little daily shifts forward, moving you into your ultimate power.

It can be as simple as being aware of a habit. It can be as epic as delivering your message to a large group of people. It can be writing your first line as an author or having your first book published.

All of those things are a success. So, when you are answering this particular question, don’t be harsh on yourself.

You succeed every day!

3. Make a list of things that you are very good at

This one is aimed directly at shifting your mindset into a place where you are celebrating and reiterating your self-worth.

Don’t be shy here! Make that list!

Remember, too, that this isn’t being arrogant when we celebrate our positive aspects of self. Arrogance is an exaggerated sense of self-worth that seeps into your behaviour.

This list reminds you of what you can always rely on and how you can trust yourself.

4. Think of a time when you overcame a difficult situation

All too often, when we are faced with a new challenge, our self-doubt steps in to tell us how difficult it is going to be.

Listen carefully to those words when they start to whisper in your head. Listen to what they are saying, and then debunk and replace them with that time you overcame a difficult situation.

It will be beneficial to make a list here, too, of all the things that might have been challenging to others where you have overcome that challenge. We all see and experience things so differently, and we can tend to diminish our courage because, in fact, it is a natural thing for us to do.

Over the years, I have had many people tell me how courageous I am for the things I have done. It is only when we reflect on those instances, which seemed quite normal at the time when we can acknowledge the incredible courage that we all have.

5. List your inner-strengths

I personally love this one!

If anything is going to get your self-worth into first gear, it is this list.

To get you started here are some examples of inner-strengths:

  • Wisdom
  • Kindness
  • Courage
  • Fairness
  • Trust
  • Tenacity
  • Curiosity
  • Resilience
  • Flexibility
  • Humanity
  • Justice
  • Community
  • Gratitude

….and the list goes on.

Keep these notes always close at hand as a reminder of your awesome power and magnificence.

As a reminder of your self-worth and all of the value, you have a duty to share with the world.

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Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Three Tremendous Tips To Taking On Your Power

This isn’t about Wonder Woman and that power she exudes.

It’s about your own inner light. On some days, it might shine brightly, but because we are all human, it can be dimmed from time to time.

I’ve just come out of the most amazing week in my business! There have been so many breakthroughs, and for me, it is always about my own power and fighting to hold onto it on some days.

The confidence that wavers; that self-doubt talk that pops up; the worry that upsets my peace.

You see, it all boils down to this one important thing:

None of those things are labels that I choose to live by; they are only states of mind.

I am not an unconfident person; I am not a person who wallows in self-doubt, and I am certainly not a worrier. The simple truth is, I am a human being who might have unproductive states of mind from time to time.

I have learned to acknowledge these states, and more importantly, I have learned techniques to help me through them.

Here are my tips to reset your power button:

  1. Always Start With Gratitude

A “gratitude attitude” gets me through everything!

Every morning, and whenever you feel a little waver in your resolve, ground yourself by reminding yourself of what you are grateful for.

You will notice that I said, “remind yourself”. This is because we have everything that we need to achieve all that we desire; it simply takes a little reminder here and there towards that power.

I like to align my gratitude with three things in my office. In all honesty, my office is my second bedroom in my apartment, and I share this space with the washing line 🙂

Nevertheless, I have such a sense of gratitude while I am hanging the washing. I know, right – it’s a little weird, but it stems from when I first moved from my parents home.

I didn’t move out because I didn’t get on with my folks. I also didn’t move out because I was getting married, which I think my father might have chosen differently for me. I was born in the early ’70s, so I imagine that society expected me to move out of my parent’s home with my husband.

I moved out because I was out to discover what I was really made of. In retrospect, it was a journey to discover my core values. When I think of my top core values now, freedom and adventure, my moving out was really me moving towards those two things.

I digress, though! Back to my office and my washing line, and those three things I was talking about.

I ground myself with gratitude, and to always remind me to start with gratitude; I attach three things that I am most grateful for with three tangible items in my office. I spend loads of time in my office, so my gratitude is firmly entrenched.

  • My washing line – because I’m grateful for the person I am now and for the part that my parents had in that process;
  • My laptop – because I’m grateful for the freedom that it offers me and for the lives that are changed because of this incredible tool;
  • My chair – because I’m grateful for its ongoing support

It’s a simple little exercise and easy to do, but so powerful in it’s outcome.

Once I start being grateful for the “easy” things, my heart opens into some awesome areas of gratitude. It’s often so overwhelming that it brings tears to my eyes when I assess all the things that I am so blessed to have around me.

2. Remind yourself of your awesome power

Write down all the wonderful things that you are—all the things that are awesome about you.

If you struggle here, start with your gender.

For me, since I am a woman, being a woman is so empowering. This comes from how my mother treated me. She was a powerhouse in her own right, and I learned this from her.

She never backed down from an argument; she didn’t cower in a crowd; she had the best sense of humour and was quick-witted. I loved those things about her.

She was always authentically herself; she stood up for me and in turn, it gave me the authority to stand up for myself too.

As I have progressed in this thing of life, I have written on a post-it note (which I have pasted on my laptop) to remind myself, that:

  • I’m a leader;
  • I’m confident;
  • I’m a Coaching Master;
  • I’m a documentor;
  • I’m a video-making machine.

These are the things that help me towards my business goal. They also help me towards my power too.

3. Check in with your tribe

For me, the people that I have around me are so important to my onward progress.

Let’s be honest with ourselves here. We are never going to be at the end of our journey; we are always in this perpetual state of pilgrimage of sorts. We are always going to be moving into some next chapter, and as the saying goes:

“It takes a village….”

Ok! So the quote was in relation to raising children and I totally see why this quote rings true in that regard.

However, I would say that when we are moving into our next chapters, being struck down by what life throws at us, taking onboard commentary from others….it takes a village to help us through those bumpy parts of our journey.

So, when the resolve is wavering, and you feel less powerful than you know you can be, check in with people who have your back. Your friends to give you a boost of much-deserved energy and kindness; your networks who have the same mission as you, so they know what you are going through. Your family.

I started by telling you about the incredible week that I have just come out of. Undoubtedly, it was this good because of the people that I am surrounded by.

I won a challenge that was being run in my business network group. It meant so much to me, and I only realised the impact of winning when I was announced as the winner. I was utterly speechless. I am not big on words generally, but I couldn’t even get out “thank you”. I’m big on “thank you”, but I was so overwhelmed with gratitude!

I always make it a habit to check in with this particular business group. It is the safest place I know, and through it, I have met some of the most amazingly talented and gifted people in their online business field. It is headed up an amazing young woman, and we all feed off one another’s energy.

It’s because of this that I won. Yes, we all did the work around the challenge, but I won only because of the people around me—my tribe.

We shine differently when we are in the right place, with the right people.

I believe this of all the people that touch my life.

So, yes, we are only what our states of mind are from time to time. Understanding that first will help to shed those unhelpful labels that you might have given yourself and to step back into your awesome power.

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Categories
Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Four Reasons why your “Why” will shift your Mindset!

I like to call it “The Why Factor”

I am going to head straight into those four reasons. Here goes!

  1. Your why is a warrior for that horrid doubt monster.
  2. Your why shakes up those unhelpful patterns taking place in your mind.
  3. Your why helps you set clear intentions.
  4. Your why, will always be that go-to place for action.

I am fortunate enough to be in a business network group with awesome online entrepreneurs who are encouraged to explore and reinforce their “why”.

The reason that they are in business; the reason they get up in the morning; and the reason that pushes them forward despite all odds.

It’s a super-powerful exercise, and when we read each other’s “whys” it fills you with such joy and commitment to your own audacious goals.

I would say that for me, it has been the single most robust strategy to my online growth. We must all keep growing.

It quietens the doubt monster.

If you are anything like me, doubt creeps in from time to time. I sit and ponder on what might have been an easier decision. I ask myself whether I should simply return to a life of the 9 to 5.

When I think about the logistics of returning to my “old life” it fills me with such fear, because today I am ultimately living my life aligned with my core values. It’s a life where my huge goals can in fact be achieved.

This fills my heart with gratitude, just writing about it.

I have my “why” posted in clear view. I can see it every day and when that nasty doubt monster starts creeping in, I think of my “why”.

The warrior in me comes to the surface and slays that doubt!

Let’s talk about “unhelpful” patterns

As a mindset coach, I am fully aware of unhelpful patterns in my state of mind. Yes, we all go through those states of anger, fear, grief, self-doubt to name a few.

The trick though is not to wallow in those states, and not to hang around in those unresourceful moments. What I find useful, is to accept the state for what it is, understand the reasons for being in that state, and then ask what state would be best for me to make the situation easier.

“What state would be best for me to make this situation easier?”

An exceptionally powerful question to ask yourself.

Even more incredible is to ask yourself this question and refer back to your big, bold and fearless “why”.

This combination will relight your fire inside and get you into superhero state!

Setting clear intentions based on your “why” will always get you over challenging hurdles

My intention is clear and sharp simply because it has it’s foundation in my “why”.

If you were asked the question in a certain circumstance, for example, scaling your online business, your “why factor” helps you become clear on your intentions. Moving forward from there, your intentions clarify and create our reality.

Dr Wayne Dyer coined that phrase. “Our intention creates our reality”, and I firmly believe it.

Taking action is far easier when you have a “why”

What would you act on, if you didn’t have a reason to?

If you intention was unclear, how would you take purposeful action?

Your “why” is ultimately congruent with all of your business efforts, and if it is bold enough it will permeate into everything that you stand for in your life. Taking action then almost becomes like second nature.

So, never underestimate the almighty power of your “why”. It will keep you moving, even when it is difficult to do so. It will keep you on point, even when all around you the noise is deafening, and it will take you to a place that is wonderful and rewarding.

It’s a place we all deserve.

Are you ready to head into your power?

Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels

Categories
Online Business Self Development

I Am Stronger Than Anything That My Body Throws At Me

“Hello,” the doctor said, referring to me playfully as the “lady with the interesting pelvis. I got up from the chair and greeted him back. “Hi Doc, how is the new year treating you?”

In 2019, I achieved one of my biggest goals. On two prosthetic hips, I walked the Camino de Santiago, and after a few fits and starts, I walked into Santiago de Compostela’s ancient city. Maybe “walked” is not quite correct. I have a penguin-like gait, so maybe wobble is more accurate.

Today, the 17th February 2021, I was sitting in my orthopaedic’s consulting room to get a check-up on my two prosthetics and some guidance on a strange and excruciating new pain that I had developed in my right leg.

I had just had my first MRI. Seriously, I would never wish that experience on anyone! I know all of you who have no issues with claustrophobia are probably snickering right now. Still, when I was slowly shifted down that tiny tube, it was then that I could imagine what my late brother had felt like when he was undergoing treatment for brain cancer. I only had to do this once. He went every week, for a similar experience of being laid out in a small space with his head covered in a mask, which reminded me of the one Hannibal Lecter wore. I lay feeling overwhelmed in what felt like a very tiny space and put my mind to thinking of better things.

I was back on Camino. Smelling the fresh crispness of the Spanish countryside. Listening to the beautiful noise of nature. Hearing the stones crushing under my boots. It reminded me of why I have been doing what I have been doing these past months. Setting up my own online business, because being on pilgrimage is now all I want to do.

With this new pain that had crept up, would my dreams be dashed?

Before my two hip replacements, I had two triple osteotomies on each hip in my early twenties. It seems that when I was born, and as I grew, my pelvis hadn’t shifted into a place to give my hips and legs enough support. In my early teens, I developed excruciating leg aches, which led to these two intricate operations needing to be done. There is a more medical explanation for it, but this is the gist of it.

When I came around to have hip replacements, the modified pelvis on the right side was tricky for the skilled surgeon to install the prosthetic, so my right side and leg are slightly prejudiced. If you can imagine a pirate, and how he might have hobbled along on the makeshift peg-leg — that’s me.

The funny thing is that I have absolutely no pain in my hips whatsoever! All four operations that I had changed my life for the better. Nature didn’t stop there with me, though, because I also have degenerative bones in my spine’s base. It is now this that is creating this weird numbness and intense pain in my right calf and foot. Anyway, I now have to see a neurosurgeon.

I am sharing this story because today, I feel more powerful than ever! Aside from the pain that I have, my purpose and my goal is pushing me forward. I am entering a new phase in my online journey, and I have never been more determined to move forward to a place of success. So, to hell with my bones and my history of operations on them, I will not be deterred.

My purpose has been clear to me from the day I sat on that patio while I was on a pilgrimage. It was a day of epiphanies and understanding. Understanding that I had my own values that I needed to start aligning my life with. It was the perfect time to make the changes that I needed to make.

I have an ambitious goal to walk another 25 Camino’s. I am putting this out there because last night I questioned whether this would be possible. I quickly checked my negative thought and reminded myself that:

We are, and have everything that we need; our unchecked thoughts only limit us.

I am reminded of the depth and tenacity of the human spirit of adventurers, trailblazers and explorers, like Renan Ozturk and Mark Inglis. Renan suffered a massive and debilitating accident which could have ended his life. Still, in a short time afterwards, he had rehabilitated himself to summit the technical and challenging climb of Meru. Likewise, Mark Inglis had previously lost both of his legs to frostbite, and against all odds successfully summited Mount Everest. There are many others who despite physical challenges, break barriers towards their own greatness.

Undoubtedly it is a purpose that pushes us forward. Those goals that are clearly set and now burn a hole into your heart, so much so that when you think of going back, it scares you to the core. It’s that what gets you up in the morning; it’s what sets your soul on fire, and gives you courage when you didn’t know that you could even be so brave.

Find your purpose. Embrace it, and don’t be afraid to go after it!

Categories
Online Business Self Development

Five Fabulous Tips For A “Success Mindset”

It is not easy to watch everyone else crushing their goals, and you feel like an absolute failure. I have often wondered why I struggle into things, where I would much rather be feeling supercharged and courageous for my efforts.

When I really get into my own thought process, I often find that I am only harsh on myself. The truth is that I have enjoyed a great deal of success, and the reality is that I will continue doing so. This is a belief of mine, but I have to spend some time reminding myself of this belief on some days.

It’s weird, I know. One thing I have learned is that a mindset is not an entrenched feeling. It is more like a sweeping changing tide which has its ebbs and flows. One day I might be feeling on top of the world, whereas on another, I am struggling to keep focus.

If you are anything like me, you will have your own special techniques to keep your physical energy in synch with your brain. I do these things when I am feeling low on spirit, and so far they have worked to jolt me back into a state of flow.

  1. Reframe Your Mind’s Stories

As an online entrepreneur, I am in an extremely vibrant and competitive space. Others have come before me, and they have made magnificent changes in their lives.

It is quite normal to compare yourself to those online guru’s but mind your brain when it starts using a comparison to dig at your (perceived) lack of success. Rather, use those times when you see other successes to be an inspiration to know that it’s all very possible for you too. And it is!

Remember that your past challenges are building blocks preparing you for your onward trajectory, and are not stumbling blocks for you to be afraid to try things again. Your life experiences all be they completely unrelated to your current path are what have made you who you are.

Embrace these things to get you moving ahead.

2. Make a List of Achievements

This is such a worthful exercise to do. Once you have your list, please put it in a place where you can see them every day. Focus on these things, because they are positive, and don’t ever forget how you felt when you achieved those things.

I struggle with being visible. In this online world, you have to engage with people because otherwise, you are just a photo on the screen—another photo in the scrolling process.

To help me here, I remind myself of my past life, training groups of people. It was so outside of my comfort zone at the time, but I was committed to the process, and after just doing it, I found myself gaining more and more confidence. The more confidence I gathered, the better I became.

In fact, I found myself loving it too!

3. Identify and Make a List of Your Strengths

Spend some productive time doing this exercise, and you will find that it is not a static list either. As you grow and develop, you find more interesting things about yourself, and eventually, your list increases with your self-development.

If you struggle in this exercise, think about what you are really good at. Even the smallest things can be a catalyst to a complete brainstorm on your strengths.

You might be a great listener. Perhaps you have a knack of communicating in difficult situations. Maybe you are a natural problem-solver. Could you have empathy with others when others don’t? Can you trust completely in a process, or you might be an intrepid adventurer.

4. Always Be In Integrity With Yourself

I love this one. Although often it is the hardest one to achieve.

One of my strengths is my integrity. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I don’t always use my words, but when I do, I mean them wholeheartedly.

I try to choose my words wisely in all instances, but one thing I can say is when those words come out, and my actions follow them, they are sincere at that time.

There is seldom a situation when I reflect on it that I think I should have behaved differently. The reason for this is that I act in honesty. I have to admit that I have been in trouble on a few of these occasions.

Being in integrity with yourself is critical to achieving a success mindset. It will have you set out your priorities, your needs and your vision for your future.

It could also have you moving away from people who you might not feel 100% comfortable with. In contrast, gravitating to people who share your goals, your vision of your future success and who will hold you accountable to your goals.

Integrity to yourself is often difficult because it requires hard decisions to be made. However, when you think about it, those who matter won’t mind your decisions here.

5. Be Accountable

For the solo entrepreneur, we often have to have our own little staff meetings with ourselves. This might sound slightly strange, but I have started to implement this, and every morning after visualising my goals, I am in a “staff meeting.”

I must tell you, some of my staff are just terrible!

Since I am the copywriter, the student, the content creator, the money generator if something hasn’t been done from the day before, that particular department gets a dressing down! Haha..being accountable is always going to be something that we strive for, I believe.

If you are honest with yourself and understand that keeping a focus on your diary might be a challenge, finding an accountability partner is an option.

I have written this very thing down for my HR manager to address. (Note to self Robyn!)

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Categories
Online Business Self Development

Four Essential Tips to Better Decision Making

And for getting out of your way!

I don’t know about you, but this new year surely caught me by surprise!

I mean we are already into the last part of January, and when I look back on the month, I have been languishing in indecision. When I wrote down all of the tasks that I needed to finalise when I returned from a short break I took in December, I was filled with such power.

Honestly, I haven’t ticked any of those tasks off my list! Even worse, they are really cool tasks too, so I don’t even have the excuse that they are tedious.

Anyway, so I got myself thinking about why I feel like I am in the doldrums, and I have realised some things I would like to share with you.

If you are having a tough time getting started, then hopefully they will resonate with you, and you too can get a boost into the new year. It’s never too late.

  1. Limit Your Options

At the end of last year, I knew that I needed to make some ground-breaking decisions in my business. The problem was that I just had way too many options open to me.

Now, you might think that keeping options open is a good thing, and in some instances it is. However, when you need to start scaling in a relatively new business, you need to focus on that one thing that will give you some quick wins.

You might want to focus on one social media platform for your advertising for example. Your focus on this one strategy will give you productive time to properly hone your skills and really get to grips with all of that platform’s functions.

There is that old Russian quote which says:

“If you chase two rabbits, both will escape”

2. Time is Money

While I have been sitting around languishing, that time has gone for good. I can never get that back.

Now when I talk about languishing, I am not including that time that I have spent in my own personal pursuits, outside of my business. That is productive downtime, I think you will agree.

I am talking about that time I have spent getting in my own way.

That time where I have been overthinking my next step, and being afraid of taking it because I might not get it all right. It’s that time you spend worrying about things like; where I should be living, and where I should going; and what our future holds for us.

It is all a waste of time, and time is money. Our futures are all made today, so focus on today.

3. Indecision is Your Worst Enemy

I know this, and you know this too.

Jim Rohn once said:

“Indecision is the greatest thief of opportunity”

I got to thinking about indecision, and it takes it’s form as fear. Everyday, whether we are aware of it or not, we are making decisions that move us through our purpose. Fear steps in to distract us from our purpose and it derails our efforts.

It follows then that we must be decisive around what our fears are. We should discover whether they are rational fears that we are having.

I would say emphatically, that they are absolutely irrational fears. Mine certainly are.

4. Never Doubt Your Instinct

While I was rationalising my state of inertia, I realised that my head was overriding my instincts. I know exactly what I need to do, and so you might think that taking action on those things would be naturally easy.

The reality is that even when we have a formula, and we have a system and even have a community to back up those two things, very often we shush our instincts, and get into our heads.

I am not saying that we mustn’t ever check in with what our brains are telling us, but to just be aware not to get stuck in there. I am an introvert, and I get into my head way too often.

My Revised Daily Plan of Action

Needless to say, I have binned my end of 2020 task list in favour of this one below. It is a task list that will stand the test of time, and will be good throughout this year, and all my years following.

To keep it succinct is as follows:

  1. Visualise my goals;
  2. Invest in me;
  3. Incoming producing activity;
  4. Masterminding with other leaders; and
  5. Pay it forward.

What are things on your daily plan of action?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels