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Mindset Coach Pilgrimages Self Development

Three Steps to Powerful Decision Making

And a few reasons why you are brilliant at it already!

I’ve just retaken a personality test that I did some months ago. Not to worry, I am still firmly set in the space of introversion:)

A key takeaway for me from the results of this current test is that my decision-making has improved.

But before I give you this three-step process, I want to start by telling you why you are already an awesome decision-maker.

Here goes!

  1. Micro Decisions

You start making conscious decisions the moment you open your eyes in the morning.

Each micro decision you make gets you through your day. Making your first cup of coffee; your thoughts and actions while you are getting ready for work; getting into your car; doing the shopping; dropping the kids off at school; doing your incredible work.

These are all micro-decisions, and we often forget that they are decisions because they have become part-and-parcel of your daily process.

So, take some time today to stop.

Stop – what are you thinking? How are you feeling? Are you worried? Concerned? Happy? Comfortable?

Stop and observe.

2. Your decisions have shaped who you are

Take a look at your life up to this point.

Yes, there might very well be low points and things that you might regret or feel sorry or sad about.

However, when you position yourself into a space of gratitude for everything that has come about – whether you flourished or learnt a lesson, your decisions have carved out your life.

Your life is a reflection of you.

This might be a sobering thought for some of us. If so, your decisions that you make today then can be an epic way to repurpose your intentions and move you into a space where you are able to flourish.

What are you going to decide to do today?

3. There are no good or bad decisions

Regret.

I used this word to discuss a past decision that I had made. My friend lovingly reminded me that regret has no place in our past decisions.

Since past decisions cannot be undone, they must be seen as points along a journey. A journey that has brought you here to this place.

If that is a sobering thought and you are not altogether comfortable with your space at this moment, then another decision – one based on learning from that regret, can make every difference to your onward journey.

We make decisions every second of the day.

What are you going to decide to do today?

I made a decision that changed my life

I decided to go on pilgrimage and walk the Camino de Santiago.

When I started walking, I didn’t realise that I was carrying with me such immense grief. I was aware that my mood affected my life and my relationships, but I had never considered that I was suffering grief.

It seems so obvious to me now.

My decision to walk the Camino Frances saved my life. It allowed me to re-discover my courage and to face the loss of my brother, my grandparents, my best friend and my parents.

The beautiful gift of time that I had given myself gave me space to consider my own goals and my own dreams, and it changed my thought around how I was going to live the rest of my life.

My decision to go on pilgrimage was the first decision of many that have now shaped who I am.

We have to decide who we are, and what our primary purpose is, in order to thrive, and not only survive.

What are you going to decided to do today?

Now onto what has improved my decision-making skills.

Since I am an introvert and I use both judging and sensing to make my decisions. This might be somewhat different for you.

However, since I have taken to using my own coaching tools and techniques that I have learned on myself in addition to my clients, I believe that my thought process has developed because of my increased overall confidence.

This three-step process is ideal when you are facing challenging situations, and a decision must be made.

  1. Define the challenge

By this, I suggest that you really give it a good assessment.

  • What are the facts;
  • What has worked before and can you apply this positive outcome;
  • What hasn’t worked;
  • Who can you count on to help you – consider your outer resources;
  • How can you overcome this yourself – consider your inner resources;
  • Who do you know that has faced a similar challenge to support you through this moment.

Once you have clearly assessed what needs to be done, and who can help you you are 80% of the way to making a well-formed decision.

2. Consider all possibilities

As human beings when we are faced with difficult decisions as a result of situations or circumstances we often resort to the worst-case scenario.

This is absolutely great!

Using our intuition and considering the facts together, we are energised towards finding a workable solution and then making well-formed decisions around the challenge.

Considering all possibilities, even the nasty ones, allows you to make short-term and actionable decisions to get you moving forward. That forward movement will empower you through those challenges even when, at the outset, they seem insurmountable.

3. Consider the consequences

My go-to question to myself, when I am at this point is:

“What’s the worst that will happen?” That worst-case scenario aspect of decision making.

I often find myself writing up a “pros vs cons” list. It’s funny how my “pros” are always longer.

It’s because, I believe, that we know intuitively what to do, it is only our limiting beliefs that often get in our way.

It’s very helpful to consider the consequences from both angles:

  • What will happen if I don’t make this decision?
  • What will happen if I do make this decision?

Ask yourself how will this decision, whether you make it or not, impact your loved ones. Those people who count on you.

What are you deciding to do today?

If there are no challenges you are being faced with today, observe your thinking and contemplate this statement:

Thoughts are real forces.

This is the first law of the mind, as described by John Kehoe.

If you believe that thoughts are real forces, what are your thoughts about?

If you need to change them are you deciding today to be happier, more fulfilled, more successful, more purpose-driven, or will you decide that the status quo is ok for you right now.

Either way, there is no right or wrong decision, as long as you remember that every decision shapes our lives.

Our lives are a reflection of ourselves.

What are you deciding today?

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

Categories
Mindset Coach Self Development

Accentuate the Positive

There’s a song in there!

Bing Crosby and The Andrew Sisters got that right – Accentuate the Positive.

Go on, get up and sing it!

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

Let’s talk about how we eliminate those negatives.

It is very easy with a little practice.

  1. Immediately cut it off.

There are no unproductive people, only unproductive states of mind.

Contemplate this for a moment, and you will discover that what goes on in our minds is completely separate from our outer worlds. I suggest this because a negative thought will over have power over you if you react to it.

So, when you are conscious of a negative thought going on in your inner world – cut it off!

Don’t even think about it, which sounds counterintuitive, I know; just stop that thought.

2. Observe it

Without getting caught up in the emotion of this negative thought, have a look at it.

Notice when it has popped up.

  • What were you doing?
  • What happened that put that thought in there in the first place?
  • Can you see a pattern regarding this particular thought?
  • Are there triggers around this particular thought?

Observing it without getting caught up in it allows you to move away from the situation at hand and see it holistically. When we are “removed” from the situation, we can often think more clearly about what is really going on.

3. Replace that thought with it’s exact opposite

It sounds obvious doesn’t it?

When we think about all the bad things that might happen when we try something different or the challenges we will face changing a bad habit, shift your thought to one more productive for you.

Focus on those things that you know will benefit you. Reinforce how shedding that bad habit is going to make you feel.

Always make sure that you are kind to yourself during this process.

In closing

It all seems quite obvious – certainly no genius here – but we all still suffer from our negative thoughts even when we are unconscious of that suffering.

Training your mind to reset to a positive and more useful state is exactly like the training you would do in the gym, for example.

On the first visit, it feels dreadful. You leave with sore muscles and aching joints. On subsequent visits, though, things start to ease up and as your fitness grows, so does your resilience to that exercise.

Much like the mindset training that is available to us all, it hurts initially. Often we have to delve into areas of our lives that we don’t care to revisit, but once there is a practice in place, it gets easier.

Don’t settle for anything other than a positive thought replacing that negative one, either.

It all boils down to that song;

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

Categories
Mindset Coach Self Development

My Introversion Is My Superpower

Although, I never always thought that it was!

But hang on, before you think that this post is only for introverts, it’s not. This one is about limiting beliefs, and whether you are an introvert, extrovert or ambivert, we all have limiting beliefs – even if you don’t know it yet.

Back to my introversion:)

For so long, I believed that my introversion made me less valuable to the world at large.

When I reflect on my history, I wasn’t unhappy. I had a happy childhood, but I had this very limiting belief that my purpose was less important than the more extroverted people in my life.

The wonderful thing about that situation is that I was teaching myself resilience from a very early age. I really did get on with doing what made my heart happy.

Aha! There is the first power of my introversion!

An introvert in a big noisy family

I am the third child of four and the first daughter. I often wonder if that arrangement had some impact on my character as an introvert.

I am an early seventies baby too. Perhaps having a girl during this time, especially with two older brothers, might have been a perception that I didn’t need too much focus or personal development?

I do believe that my dad had a clear idea of what my future looked like to him. This idea was shared with me during a heated conversation with him shortly before his passing. He suggested that I get my life in order because, at my age, I should have a secure grounding with a family, a steady job and a house with a white picket fence.

Ok, he didn’t say the words “white picket fence”, but I thought it was inferred. Maybe because as he was giving me his life plan, I gazed out the window and there in front of his house, was in fact, that white picket fence.

I don’t want any assumptions about my relationship with my father by sharing this conversation. I share it only to demonstrate that each of us has a purpose. But even when we come from the same family, with shared interests, our purpose can be opposites of each other.

I often found my purpose and where my heart was to be opposites of others.

Until recently, this situation scared me.

I spent a great deal of my time at my grandparent’s house. It offered a quiet space with people who I loved dearly and who in turn loved me back. I loved my parents too, and we enjoyed a wonderful relationship, but the house was always a trove of activity. My father often referred to it as “Chaos Inn”.

To escape the noise and the hustle-bustle of our family home, I would often head off to “Gran”. I would arrive there after school and telephone my mom to let her know where I was.

Receiving my first bicycle was the first tool that I remember that I could use to manage my introversion. It meant that I had more freedom, and more importantly, the means, to go and hang out with my grandparents whenever I needed some quiet time.

My introversion grew with me.

I was a happy child, and I am now an extraordinarily happy adult, but I still often felt out of place.

Especially in a world that is mostly designed for extroverts.

My corporate career

It took a great deal of my energy and bravado to get through a day at the office. I was exposed to an open-plan design, and so many colleagues just dropping by my desk.

Not their fault, of course, that is how they are designed.

Similarly, my design as an introvert left me with very little energy at the end of the day. So when I wasn’t up for a drink out or socialising, I was often seen as the “party pooper.”

I started to become “ok” with this label.

Fantastically though, in this environment, I started to discover the amazing characteristics of the introverted personality. I first understood that introversion is fundamentally one thing – it’s how we use our energy. Secondly, I was just as capable and just as awesome as my more extroverted peers and colleagues.

As my career developed, I found myself in a wonderful position which included global travel. I felt like the luckiest person on the planet.

The pitfall, though, was that I would be responsible for a great deal of face-to-face training. Also, once a year, I was expected to train my colleagues at a mass event.

You can imagine my sheer panic!

Getting onto the plane for my first overseas business trip, I struggled as to how I would manage to speak in public. My brain went back and forth for the entire journey on what I was expected to do in the following week of meetings!

I was so scared!

As expected, there was a large turnout. My colleagues had come from all corners of the globe to listen to various updates that had taken place in the company.

I was in that line up to share updates on compliance training.

All my worry was well-placed because that trip turned out to be a massive failure!

I didn’t know the material well enough. I thought that I needed to be perfect. I thought I needed to know all of the answers.

However, what had the most profound impact on me was that I thought that a more extroverted person, you know, someone great at speaking, would be far better for the job.

I didn’t know how I was going to move forward and add value in this space that, at the time, offered me so much personal growth. I knew and understood this growth potential, but it didn’t stop me from grappling with the prospect of letting myself out of my shell.

In retrospect, this failure was really awesome feedback for me to start to work on my limiting beliefs.

We have to take on our limiting beliefs head on!

It was obvious that if I continued with my train of thought on who I was as an introvert, it would have a massively negative effect on my life in the future. 

So, it was time to take some positive steps towards my own personal development!

I considered how I got to that place, where I was. My inner place and my outer world that I was reacting to at the time.

This was the list I came up with. (I do love a checklist:)

  • Skills
  • Passion for adding value in the workspace
  • Integrity
  • A loving home that my parents created for me
  • Self-awareness

When I started to reflect on my positive attributes in my character, I realised that I had totally let myself down. I also realised that if I were hard on myself with this realisation of letting myself down, I would regress even further.

After all, I am just an introvert. I wasn’t then, and I am not now incompetent in any way.

Reclaiming power

This is how I did it.

1. Understanding my introversion;

2. Challenged my beliefs to move from fear to confidence;

3. Understanding what my real fears were – they come dressed up in all things;

3. Celebrated my daily wins;

4. I accepted actioning things when I was feeling uncomfortable before hand;

5. Engaging with my colleagues and peers with an intention to understand them. This was amazing because as you understand others, you understand so much more about yourself!

Taking responsibility for your mindset pays off

As I became more aware of my limiting beliefs and stamping them out as they arose, I noticed so many changes happening around me.

I received positive comments from stakeholders in the business who attended my training. How the training had made such sense; how my manner of speaking made the content more understandable.

Still today, that belief that they had in me, and those constructive words they shared with me, together with my own renewed self-belief always inspires and gives me strength when I need it.

An authentic introvert

For the first time I was showing up as an authentic introvert. I was an introvert in an environment where I completely understood my characteristics and started to enjoy them.

I didn’t pretend to be something that I was not, and I also didn’t feel “less” than anyone else.

Now in the present, my changed mindset has moved me into opportunities that I never knew existed. Had I succumbed to my limiting belief then, I shudder to think where I would be now.

It has led me into adventures that I would never have had, had I not embraced who I was, who I am, and believing that I could add value.

Even while at the same time being an introvert.

Challenge your beliefs

An unchallenged belief could be that hurdle that slows you down, or even worse, halts your forward trajectory.

Always be assessing your beliefs and your habits around these two questions:

  1. Does this belief help me move forward? or
  2. Does this belief hinder my progress?

And remember that we have thoughts that are shaped by our beliefs practically every second of the day.

Be aware of your thoughts, so that you can start the amazing journey towards shifting your beliefs.

If you are unsure of your personality traits, this free quiz will help you better understand what makes you tick. Finding out what makes you tick, is so brilliant!

https://www.16personalities.com/

Be awesome! Wherever your awesome comes from.

Categories
Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Why I Told “Fredericka” To Take a Hike

In fact, I told her to f*%k off. It was high time.

Who is Fredericka you might be asking? She happens to be that little voice of doubt; that little niggle; that stone in the shoe; that alter-ego who really has not served my greater purpose at all.

She has been that voice of self-doubt; that voice passing down her feelings of inadequacy. That voice where I thought I was an intellectual fraud.

She is the voice of Impostor Syndrome.

Wikipedia describes Impostor Syndrome as follows:

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenonimpostorismfraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.[1] Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or interpret it as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.[2] While early research focused on the prevalence among high-achieving women, impostor syndrome has been recognized to affect both men and women equally.

The words “doubts skills, talents and accomplishments to being exposed as a fraud” and “attributing my success to luck” rung true for me.

So, Fredericka had to go!

She came from a time past where I belonged to one of my first online groups, and I was too afraid to tell them my real name.

I was afraid that I might be exposed as a fraud.

She grew some power from there.

Fredericka kept Robyn-Lee, me, from understanding that the success that I was achieving wasn’t due to my efforts. I am glad that I became aware of her motives early on.

I must interject on my words that I am writing here, to say that this blog post is not intended to downplay or supersede professional guidance with this particular syndrome.

It only offers to trigger awareness to the reader, and for them to know that help is at hand and that you are not alone.

A few Characteristics to look out for:

  • Self-doubt;
  • Sabotaging your own success – I am (still) big on this one;
  • Unable to realistically assess your competence and skills;
  • Overwhelming fear that you won’t live up to expectations;
  • Feelings of inadequacy;
  • Rebuking your performance;
  • Striving for perfection because the smallest mistake is agony for you;
  • Extremely sensitive to constructive criticism;
  • Admiration for other’s success but believing that you are not fit for the likes of them;
  • Worrying that others will realise how little you know;
  • Not able to accept praise in the spirit in which it is given, and perhaps feeling like you dodged a bullet because you thought you did a bad job;
  • Believing that you are not capable of lasting success.

If any of these ring true for you, you are likely a sufferer.

It is interesting to note that around 70% of people will experience this phenomenon during their lives. This might also be a sign of some other underlying issue that highlights your need for extra support.

Some of the Tactics that I use:

As with most things in life, we all require some strategies to boost our performance. Whether that is the extra practice at public speaking; or writing in a public forum or even just posting your opinion onto a social media platform, and being resilient enough to receive the backlash that might ensue because all don’t accept your opinion.

It is how we manage our reactions, and for introverts in particular these reactions are mostly internalised.

If you have a “Fredericka” that tells you that you are a fool, try these to dispel that poisonous voice in your head:

  • Talking about your feelings acknowledges them. I am an introvert so like to blog, and a forum for writers like Medium.Com is a wonderful place to write about your feelings;
  • Make a list of your achievements and keep them visible;
  • Focus on your strengths. Yes, being aware of your weaknesses is important too, like being aware that Impostor Syndrome might grab you from time to time. When it does, revert to your list of strengths.
  • Practice an “Attitude of Gratitude”. All too often, we revert to everything wrong in the world, but if you are focused on those things that you are grateful for, your mind starts to change;
  • Every morning, before you start your day run through what yesterday was good for. I get it, sometimes you have to dig deep, but even the simplest thing like “I drank an extra glass of water” leans your head into the positive. Then leave yesterday just there – in the past;
  • Be very particular about what you read on social media. I make sure that I have people and their dogs in my feed! Dogs, I find are awesome to elevate a low spirit!
  • Value your perspective. Every single one of us has value to give to this world. Never doubt it. When you do, go back to your list of achievements and strengths;
  • Don’t play the comparison game. If you are an entrepreneur like myself, it is easy to see how others are being successful and taking action and when seeing it, you denigrate your own progress. Be aware that everyone’s journey is different, and always refer back to your own list of achievements to keep you on track;
  • Failing is inevitable. When a mentor told me this, it hit me full on in my stomach, and I was filled with such fear that it stopped me in the tracks! The reality is that even with a mentor and learning skills, failure will at some time find you. It’s learning how to take those lessons and move forward and be better the next time. Reflecting on those failures and accepting those lessons, goes onto your achievements list. There is no failure, only feedback.
  • Remind yourself that your successes are your work. Yes, you might have had guidance and a helping hand, but you had to do it. You had to sit and study the material if you were heading into an exam. You had to learn a process in your new job; it was you who stood in front of those people, presenting your programme or your case; it was you and you alone, who moved forward.

Accept your power. Be grateful for it too.

Accept your greatness and reward yourself by being your best advocate.

Above all else, speak to yourself with kind words; with constructive words and words that will build you up.

For all introverts who would like to get into the habit of writing, even it is to vent, have a look at my blog on Medium.Com. I have no affiliation here except to write, so don’t be afraid to check it out, and get writing!

https://perpetualpilgrim1006.medium.com/

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

Categories
Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Radical Resilience in Five Steps

I want you to think back to early 2020.

Be in that place where you listened to the world leaders telling us that we were heading into “lockdown”.

Remember, for a moment, those feelings rushing through your body. Fear? Panic? Relief? Sadness? Happiness? Scepticism?

Now step back into your space that you are in today.

Looking back, relish and celebrate that resilience that you built. That strength that you mustered during what was, what still is, an epic moment in our history.

Without a doubt, we are far more resilient as a community than what we were heading into 2020 and here’s why:

  1. We changed our stories.

I remember as if it were yesterday.

President Cyril Ramaphosa appeared on television and social media channels to let us know that we were heading into “lockdown”. Admittedly, I recall little else about that announcement because I tried to process what this all meant for me.

There was little time to be ruminating on the effects of this lockdown because it was going ahead in 48 hours.

It was a spring to action kind of 48 hours.

Planning what we needed at home, getting to grips with a new lifestyle that would have us locked indoors, how the younger ones were going to cope without the structure of the school day, and what that actually meant.

All the while, it was about changing the story that we were being faced with.

It was setting up plans and managing days that were now home-based. Finding alternatives to exercise regimes when gyms were closed. It was seeking out the best outcome for what was a situation that we had no precedent for.

We changed our stories.

We changed how we saw things, and I would suggest that we found lots of things to be grateful for when we were searching for answers.

2. We faced our fears.

With no time to ruminate on this global pandemic, we faced down any fears that we might be having. We really didn’t have a choice, did we?

There is a beneficial process for overcoming fears that I wrote about in a previous blog. I might add for this situation, that process happened pretty much in first gear!

I remember being fearful about what my godsons were going to do without their school structure. So too, what was my best friend going to do about her own work commitments and then manage two young boys at home?

How would I best show up for others, and was I even equipped to do so?

When I reflect on that time, we all did so amazingly well! It wasn’t about our skills that we might have lacked and overcome in a short space of time.

No, it was about our upbeat spirit and how we constantly sought out fun and caring things to do for each other. How we celebrated each other as the days went by and homeschooling became the “new normal”.

If I was taught about resilience during this time, it was from two young boys aged three and five who did everything they were asked to do, and then some.

There are incredible lessons that we can learn from our young-ones.

3. Self-compassion became a talking point.

I remember being online with a group of people during the lockdown, and we were all sharing what was going on in our respective worlds.

The story didn’t change much as each of us spoke about what lockdown meant to us and what effect we were experiencing.

We spoke about mindfulness.

How workdays had, in fact, gotten longer. Everyone working from home was spending more time at their laptops because it was now easier and more convenient.

The golden thread through all conversations was around how we all needed to be more self-compassionate. Mindful about the time spent doing the work and how best to create balance around homelife.

There was discussion around teams being separated from each other and how leaders could best support those teams. How to create connection around disconnection.

Knowing that we weren’t all alone in these efforts, was a great comfort.

We learnt that we could be kinder to ourselves, and we learnt that in so doing, that we could be kinder to others.

4. Being present in the now

I experienced a massive turning point in my online business during this time. It came from my own realisation that was worrying about the future and being concerned about my past was unproductive for me.

We all know very well that we experience pain when we are not absolutely and whole-heartedly in the present moment. We are in the present moment when we are reflecting on everything that we can be grateful for.

There was and is so much that we can be grateful for coming out of the pandemic.

5. We connected and supported each other

I connected with people all across the globe who inspired me and supported me in my journey. I, in turn, did the same.

I still look to those people today for that same inspiration. I learned wonderful things about the world at large, and I saw nature revitalise itself during a period of calm.

I was, and still am, grateful for all of those things and every person who touched my life during the lockdown.

There was a massive move in the online community towards connection and support. Business networks were booming; new skills were being learned, and people were growing exponentially because of this connection.

We were becoming resilient; we were changing our narratives and facing down fears.

We were developing our ability to withstand adversity.

The big question is will we continue to grow in this powerful way as we head into the world equipped to face the “new normal”?

Photo by Ann H from Pexels

Categories
Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Four Steps To Overcoming Fear

Let’s talk about fear for a little bit.

We all have it from time to time. We all have been debilitated as a result of it, at one time or another. Some of us may struggle with it daily.

It’s part and parcel of what makes us human.

Never forget that – we have and experience fear because we are human!

I have written about fear before and have explained its purpose and meaning. If you missed this blog on how Jimmy Chin is my “fear guru”, it’s worth a read.

Today though, I will give you four steps towards overcoming your fear, but first, I want to start with this awesome quote.

I am starting here because, in a nutshell, the only way to overcome fear is to face it head-on.

Tony Robbins : Dance with fear

Face it, or dance with it!

  1. Find out what this fear is

What is it specifically that you are scared of? Is there a time of day or a place that this fear might raise its nasty head? In what situation might this fear present itself?

Be super specific about understanding this fear.

Let me give you my own example.

At the beginning of my journey into the online space, I was rearing and tearing to go! Nothing was going to stop me.

Fear did though.

I was so busy learning new skills in my newfound career of entrepreneurship. I used this excuse to be productive around learning to avoid taking action in my business.

You see, it was never about the perceived lack of knowledge because we learn as we go, don’t we? When I was honest with myself, I was afraid to be seen online.

What would my friends and family say? What would my school friends think? What would my past colleagues and peers think about me?

The truth is, I have had positive feedback from all of these people who I was so worried about. Another truth is that if I hadn’t received positive feedback, my fear was never about them but always about me and my own belief in what I was doing.

What I am doing.

2. Embrace the fear

When you have been honest about the fear, don’t take a step back from it because it is genuine. Please don’t dismiss it, and certainly don’t retreat from it.

Have a dance with it, as Tony Robbins suggests, because whether people love you, hate you or are on the fence about you, you will always draw your tribe to you.

I firmly believe that.

When I went online and started to become more visible, with my own face showing up, nothing about my reality really changed much.

Yes, inside, I was on this magnificent high because I had moved a step forward to my personal goals. Even more incredibly, I started to show up more authentically and more productively for people who I wanted to serve.

Fear is a natural reaction, and it wants to serve you by protecting you and keeping you safe. In my reality, though, it would have held me back, and if I were to think of a ‘worst-case scenario, my fear of showing up online would not have killed me.

I can’t think of anything worse than that.

3. Action – its always about action!

Think of yourself on the very first day of work. For me, it was in a bank.

At my young age of 17, I started working in the autoteller department in a large bank in South Africa. I was entrusted with loads of cash and a duty to replenish these machines daily.

I was scared to leave the relative safety of school. I was scared to work with people I didn’t know. I was scared of many things.

It was absolutely new, and I had no idea about the expectations placed on me directly out of school.

But I learned. I grew into that role and developed skills that were a brilliant foundation for me.

The fear subsided, and I started to enjoy the work, and as I progressed in my corporate career, it was a roller coaster of fear and overcoming fear.

Much the same as my journey into entrepreneurship.

The critical thing to remember about your own progress in your respective careers and your own personal journeys is that it took and takes action to kill that fear monster.

Plain and simply – action.

4. Reinforce your new feeling

The final step, now that you have specified your real fear embraced and had a dance with it and taken action around that fear, stop.

Stop and let that new powerful feeling take over. Remember this moment and how it feels. Never forget this feeling.

Reinforcing your newfound feeling is the momentum that you will need when you are faced with another fear. It is, after all, a cycle of sorts. As you level up, as you take on new challenges, as you step into the unknown, fear will always be there to try to keep you safe.

It’s a natural tendency for us as humans.

For me, I have this massive sense of freedom as I step into pockets of fear and overcome them. It is also never as scary as I thought going into the ring with fear.

A very important aspect of fear to always remember is this:

If you were to sit down with many folks who talk about their fears, I would suggest that it would be common to hear of their fear of rejection, embarrassment, failure, success, disappointment, and the unknown.

Its a beautiful thing because it what makes us all human.

F.E.A.R = False Evidence Appearing Real

F.E.A.R = Find. Embrace. Action. Reinforce

Categories
Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Five Steps to Self-Worth

Oh, I have self belief in buckets, as I am sure that you do to!

However, consider those times when your resolve has been shaken. Perhaps your confidence has wavered a little as you are starting on a new venture, or you are setting off into the “unknown.”

Self-worth is described as one’s own value of being a human being. That’s pretty powerful when you think about it.

There was a time when I questioned my purpose. My direction had been set off-kilter, and I realised that my self-belief was very different to having a sense of self-worth.

These are the steps I used to get me to a place where I could support and emphasize my value that I had to share with the world:

  1. What is the one thing you can do better than anyone else?

This is that thing that makes us all unique. It is our USP – our Unique Selling Proposition.

We frame this question in this way so that it alters your mindset from the get-go.

For my whole life, I have tended to be a “people watcher.” One of my favourite things to do is sit and watch how people interact, share their experiences and revel in their success.

I remember when I walked into the ancient city of Santiago de Compostela after I had completed my pilgrimage. I felt a massive sense of achievement, but at the same time, I was mostly overwhelmed with all of the emotions that were rushing through me.

So, I sat. I sat and I watched.

I sat for hours watching other pilgrims coming into the square to celebrate their own success at completing their respective journeys. I witnessed quiet celebrations of other solo walkers; I witnessed group celebrations and high-spirited singing; I watched how devotees to the Apostle St James fell to their knees in the square in front of the cathedral and prayed.

Some simply sat like I was. Just taking it all in.

You see, my USP is that I genuinely love it when other people succeed. It makes no difference to me who they are or where they have come from. I love seeing people achieve their goals.

It is also the one thing that spurs me on to my own goals. It’s a shared sense of success because I believe that we should all have it, in whatever shape or form success looks like to you.

2. When was a time you succeeded?

As far as I am concerned we succeed everyday.

For me, success doesn’t have to massive. It can be those little daily shifts forward, moving you into your ultimate power.

It can be as simple as being aware of a habit. It can be as epic as delivering your message to a large group of people. It can be writing your first line as an author or having your first book published.

All of those things are a success. So, when you are answering this particular question, don’t be harsh on yourself.

You succeed every day!

3. Make a list of things that you are very good at

This one is aimed directly at shifting your mindset into a place where you are celebrating and reiterating your self-worth.

Don’t be shy here! Make that list!

Remember, too, that this isn’t being arrogant when we celebrate our positive aspects of self. Arrogance is an exaggerated sense of self-worth that seeps into your behaviour.

This list reminds you of what you can always rely on and how you can trust yourself.

4. Think of a time when you overcame a difficult situation

All too often, when we are faced with a new challenge, our self-doubt steps in to tell us how difficult it is going to be.

Listen carefully to those words when they start to whisper in your head. Listen to what they are saying, and then debunk and replace them with that time you overcame a difficult situation.

It will be beneficial to make a list here, too, of all the things that might have been challenging to others where you have overcome that challenge. We all see and experience things so differently, and we can tend to diminish our courage because, in fact, it is a natural thing for us to do.

Over the years, I have had many people tell me how courageous I am for the things I have done. It is only when we reflect on those instances, which seemed quite normal at the time when we can acknowledge the incredible courage that we all have.

5. List your inner-strengths

I personally love this one!

If anything is going to get your self-worth into first gear, it is this list.

To get you started here are some examples of inner-strengths:

  • Wisdom
  • Kindness
  • Courage
  • Fairness
  • Trust
  • Tenacity
  • Curiosity
  • Resilience
  • Flexibility
  • Humanity
  • Justice
  • Community
  • Gratitude

….and the list goes on.

Keep these notes always close at hand as a reminder of your awesome power and magnificence.

As a reminder of your self-worth and all of the value, you have a duty to share with the world.

Photo by Ava Motive from Pexels

Categories
Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Three Tremendous Tips To Taking On Your Power

This isn’t about Wonder Woman and that power she exudes.

It’s about your own inner light. On some days, it might shine brightly, but because we are all human, it can be dimmed from time to time.

I’ve just come out of the most amazing week in my business! There have been so many breakthroughs, and for me, it is always about my own power and fighting to hold onto it on some days.

The confidence that wavers; that self-doubt talk that pops up; the worry that upsets my peace.

You see, it all boils down to this one important thing:

None of those things are labels that I choose to live by; they are only states of mind.

I am not an unconfident person; I am not a person who wallows in self-doubt, and I am certainly not a worrier. The simple truth is, I am a human being who might have unproductive states of mind from time to time.

I have learned to acknowledge these states, and more importantly, I have learned techniques to help me through them.

Here are my tips to reset your power button:

  1. Always Start With Gratitude

A “gratitude attitude” gets me through everything!

Every morning, and whenever you feel a little waver in your resolve, ground yourself by reminding yourself of what you are grateful for.

You will notice that I said, “remind yourself”. This is because we have everything that we need to achieve all that we desire; it simply takes a little reminder here and there towards that power.

I like to align my gratitude with three things in my office. In all honesty, my office is my second bedroom in my apartment, and I share this space with the washing line 🙂

Nevertheless, I have such a sense of gratitude while I am hanging the washing. I know, right – it’s a little weird, but it stems from when I first moved from my parents home.

I didn’t move out because I didn’t get on with my folks. I also didn’t move out because I was getting married, which I think my father might have chosen differently for me. I was born in the early ’70s, so I imagine that society expected me to move out of my parent’s home with my husband.

I moved out because I was out to discover what I was really made of. In retrospect, it was a journey to discover my core values. When I think of my top core values now, freedom and adventure, my moving out was really me moving towards those two things.

I digress, though! Back to my office and my washing line, and those three things I was talking about.

I ground myself with gratitude, and to always remind me to start with gratitude; I attach three things that I am most grateful for with three tangible items in my office. I spend loads of time in my office, so my gratitude is firmly entrenched.

  • My washing line – because I’m grateful for the person I am now and for the part that my parents had in that process;
  • My laptop – because I’m grateful for the freedom that it offers me and for the lives that are changed because of this incredible tool;
  • My chair – because I’m grateful for its ongoing support

It’s a simple little exercise and easy to do, but so powerful in it’s outcome.

Once I start being grateful for the “easy” things, my heart opens into some awesome areas of gratitude. It’s often so overwhelming that it brings tears to my eyes when I assess all the things that I am so blessed to have around me.

2. Remind yourself of your awesome power

Write down all the wonderful things that you are—all the things that are awesome about you.

If you struggle here, start with your gender.

For me, since I am a woman, being a woman is so empowering. This comes from how my mother treated me. She was a powerhouse in her own right, and I learned this from her.

She never backed down from an argument; she didn’t cower in a crowd; she had the best sense of humour and was quick-witted. I loved those things about her.

She was always authentically herself; she stood up for me and in turn, it gave me the authority to stand up for myself too.

As I have progressed in this thing of life, I have written on a post-it note (which I have pasted on my laptop) to remind myself, that:

  • I’m a leader;
  • I’m confident;
  • I’m a Coaching Master;
  • I’m a documentor;
  • I’m a video-making machine.

These are the things that help me towards my business goal. They also help me towards my power too.

3. Check in with your tribe

For me, the people that I have around me are so important to my onward progress.

Let’s be honest with ourselves here. We are never going to be at the end of our journey; we are always in this perpetual state of pilgrimage of sorts. We are always going to be moving into some next chapter, and as the saying goes:

“It takes a village….”

Ok! So the quote was in relation to raising children and I totally see why this quote rings true in that regard.

However, I would say that when we are moving into our next chapters, being struck down by what life throws at us, taking onboard commentary from others….it takes a village to help us through those bumpy parts of our journey.

So, when the resolve is wavering, and you feel less powerful than you know you can be, check in with people who have your back. Your friends to give you a boost of much-deserved energy and kindness; your networks who have the same mission as you, so they know what you are going through. Your family.

I started by telling you about the incredible week that I have just come out of. Undoubtedly, it was this good because of the people that I am surrounded by.

I won a challenge that was being run in my business network group. It meant so much to me, and I only realised the impact of winning when I was announced as the winner. I was utterly speechless. I am not big on words generally, but I couldn’t even get out “thank you”. I’m big on “thank you”, but I was so overwhelmed with gratitude!

I always make it a habit to check in with this particular business group. It is the safest place I know, and through it, I have met some of the most amazingly talented and gifted people in their online business field. It is headed up an amazing young woman, and we all feed off one another’s energy.

It’s because of this that I won. Yes, we all did the work around the challenge, but I won only because of the people around me—my tribe.

We shine differently when we are in the right place, with the right people.

I believe this of all the people that touch my life.

So, yes, we are only what our states of mind are from time to time. Understanding that first will help to shed those unhelpful labels that you might have given yourself and to step back into your awesome power.

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

Categories
Mindset Coach Online Business Self Development

Four Reasons why your “Why” will shift your Mindset!

I like to call it “The Why Factor”

I am going to head straight into those four reasons. Here goes!

  1. Your why is a warrior for that horrid doubt monster.
  2. Your why shakes up those unhelpful patterns taking place in your mind.
  3. Your why helps you set clear intentions.
  4. Your why, will always be that go-to place for action.

I am fortunate enough to be in a business network group with awesome online entrepreneurs who are encouraged to explore and reinforce their “why”.

The reason that they are in business; the reason they get up in the morning; and the reason that pushes them forward despite all odds.

It’s a super-powerful exercise, and when we read each other’s “whys” it fills you with such joy and commitment to your own audacious goals.

I would say that for me, it has been the single most robust strategy to my online growth. We must all keep growing.

It quietens the doubt monster.

If you are anything like me, doubt creeps in from time to time. I sit and ponder on what might have been an easier decision. I ask myself whether I should simply return to a life of the 9 to 5.

When I think about the logistics of returning to my “old life” it fills me with such fear, because today I am ultimately living my life aligned with my core values. It’s a life where my huge goals can in fact be achieved.

This fills my heart with gratitude, just writing about it.

I have my “why” posted in clear view. I can see it every day and when that nasty doubt monster starts creeping in, I think of my “why”.

The warrior in me comes to the surface and slays that doubt!

Let’s talk about “unhelpful” patterns

As a mindset coach, I am fully aware of unhelpful patterns in my state of mind. Yes, we all go through those states of anger, fear, grief, self-doubt to name a few.

The trick though is not to wallow in those states, and not to hang around in those unresourceful moments. What I find useful, is to accept the state for what it is, understand the reasons for being in that state, and then ask what state would be best for me to make the situation easier.

“What state would be best for me to make this situation easier?”

An exceptionally powerful question to ask yourself.

Even more incredible is to ask yourself this question and refer back to your big, bold and fearless “why”.

This combination will relight your fire inside and get you into superhero state!

Setting clear intentions based on your “why” will always get you over challenging hurdles

My intention is clear and sharp simply because it has it’s foundation in my “why”.

If you were asked the question in a certain circumstance, for example, scaling your online business, your “why factor” helps you become clear on your intentions. Moving forward from there, your intentions clarify and create our reality.

Dr Wayne Dyer coined that phrase. “Our intention creates our reality”, and I firmly believe it.

Taking action is far easier when you have a “why”

What would you act on, if you didn’t have a reason to?

If you intention was unclear, how would you take purposeful action?

Your “why” is ultimately congruent with all of your business efforts, and if it is bold enough it will permeate into everything that you stand for in your life. Taking action then almost becomes like second nature.

So, never underestimate the almighty power of your “why”. It will keep you moving, even when it is difficult to do so. It will keep you on point, even when all around you the noise is deafening, and it will take you to a place that is wonderful and rewarding.

It’s a place we all deserve.

Are you ready to head into your power?

Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels